Our pilgramage will often lend us a few moments of gracious lessons. I find my current circumstances in limbo. Anticipating some anaswers for things I have waiting long for, and yet painfully aware that turning the other direction is no longer an option. Stuck in between. By no means am I able to push through or bring about a conclusion I want, and I suppose maybe that is the first lesson. When you strive for the impossible you do not have to worry about being slick to get it. Only God could do it.
And then there is the residual reminders of your own frailties. The broadsiding shoulder-destroyer called “myself” that never seems to cut any slack. Punishing my knuckles with correction. He likes to pop up early in the morning and stay alllllll day long. No pauses and no sliding by. That guy will make you believe somehow you’ve done one too many wrongs that it would be impossible to reach what has been promised. He’s annoying. But he has purpose.
I hope to write a book entitled “Pause…..When ‘Wait’ begins to sound like ‘No.’ one day so i suppose this season is a chapter in getting me from the intellectual to balancing it with the heart. But the premise of what I am learning in this moment is that ‘Wait’ and ‘No’ are diametrically opposed to each other no matter how long the wait may be.
I’ve reconciled that this moment. This maintaining some degree of intrinsic dilegence and perserverence in my heart juxtaposed with the reality of the moment appearing to be ‘no’ is really the place to be. In these proverbial fermata notes that God seems to drag out for years that I recognize the need to pay attention to the conductor and less attention to musciaians. For we are but instruments in the massive ensemble of God. And He has developed a masterpiece beforehand in which leads to good works.
I must get to the place that my heart can accept what I get in my mind, that this is the course that God has laid, it is his orchestra. He decides how and when the notes will come together. This is when I will begin to recognize that this is a good place to be. TheGospel is the greatest lesson regarding patience.